Ever have one of those days and you just get out of bed sad. The sun is streaming through the window, the air is fresh, the birds are singing, but for whatever reason, your insides don’t match the beauty of the morning. Today was one of those days. My eyes no sooner opened than I realized today would be a dark day. In spite of my emotions convincing me to stay in bed and just let this day go by, I pushed them aside. Sometimes I listen to their clamouring and other times I hammer them down because quite frankly I’m tired of their relentlessness.
I put my gym clothes on, drank my coffee and on the way out the door I noticed Zach’s skis out of the corner of my eye, and the tears came. I have no time for this today, I thought to myself. Tears come at the most inconvenient times. Sometimes it astounds me that grief is so aggressive, even after so much time has passed. Pain doesn’t care whether I have plans or not. It just bursts out uninvited like a massive gust of wind, like a blow to the gut. I get tired of its unexpected visits. Some people are moody. I’m not one of those people. If I wake up in a bad place, I struggle to shake it for the rest of the day. It usually takes a sleep or two before I settle back into peace. I’ve learned not to fight it. There’s no point. I just get more exhausted trying to push against the current of sadness. I’ve learned to ride it out and honour the process.
I’ve seen the faithfulness of God enough times that I know he will light the way as he always does. His light has always charted my way through rough waters. His love never fails. When the dark waters churn and threaten and it feels like I’m sinking, without fail, he has reached into my crazy world and calmed my forlorn and disquieted heart. This day of brokenness will be the same as the others. He will gather my fragmented pieces and fashion them anew in beauty. Today will not be wasted because God wastes nothing, not even pain filled days.
I always turn to music to help me understand what is happening on the inside of me. It unwraps the mystery of all the tangled mess. Today’s song soothed and comforted like an angelic lullaby. My hope is that you find comfort in it as well. Click on the link and scroll down to the song Come On, Let’s Go. I imagine Jesus holding out his hand saying, “Come on let’s go together. Take my hand and I’ll take you to the open skies of blue.”