“Rationality squeezes out much that is rich and juicy and fascinating.” Anne Lamott
Today was a good day, full of tender surprises and special, yet fairly ordinary moments. There is something special about waking up thinking you’re going to do one thing and then your heart responds, nope, I’m not on board I think you should do something else. This morning I sat down at my computer, looked at my hundreds of emails, felt overwhelmed and spacey and then made the spontaneous decision to step out of my office, turn off my phone and spend the day with my husband. It’s like rationality, to do lists and “shoulds” were intolerable today. I just wanted to spend time in the sun without any plan whatsoever.
We began walking through Riverside Park, past the old, gnarly trees that have probably been there forever, and I thought of the times I placed my boys in the branches to take their pictures when they were toddlers. “Cheese,” they would say, smiling ear to ear, soaking wet from playing in the waterpark and ketchup all over their faces from their French-fry indulgence. I thought of their chubby toddler legs and their zest for life and how I missed those plain and simple days uncomplicated by teenaged shrapnel.
After our long meandering walk, we sat at Frankly Coffee and just talked. We are together all the time, but somehow during the business of life we can just forget to stop, slow down and just enjoy our deep friendship. I think of all Doug and I have been through and marvel that we have made it through the storms that have raged against us. Textbooks say that we should be divorced after all we’ve come up against, yet there is something extraordinarily beautiful about having endured and come out the other side, a depth that only the winter season can bring. Doug has loved me on my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days, and there is a deep peace in knowing that love is not just for the good days—love forges through the thick of life until there is a trust that goes deeper than the roots of those trees in Riverside Park. As we sipped our coffees, I became aware of how grateful I am to him for never giving up on me on the dark days. I can’t count the number of times, I’ve gotten up in the morning (I truly look like Medusa in the morning) and he’s said, “You look great today.” Sometimes our tiny irritations get in the way of the big picture, but today, I felt truly blessed that God brought us together.
We wandered through shops, looked at crazy, wild socks, funny cards and $400.00 shoes (does anyone actually buy shoes that expensive?) Hand in hand we just let go of everything and puttered about, forgetting about time, obligations and life stress. Our doing nothing day was the best day I’ve had in a while and I plan to do a little more of nothing because nothing moments are chalked full of blessings and fun.
Here is the song Doug sang to me on our wedding day and he truly has always been there for me.